I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
