Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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