I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
