can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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