just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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