did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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