dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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