don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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