So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
