She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
