dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
