I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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