im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
