I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"