Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do