thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.