so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated