Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude