If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
