I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
