If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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