Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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