she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
