It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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