she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
