some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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