Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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