the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
