1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
