Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
