Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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