Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
