I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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