Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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