I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
