Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Success! We fucked roommates!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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