it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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