but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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