We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
