I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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