I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
