dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
