ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
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Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
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after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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