and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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