sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
