I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
