You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
