When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We had to coat check the pizza.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My dick has a subreddit
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
