pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
