Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
