dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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