That's intense
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
