There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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