lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
