there's paper in my vomit.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
There's even glitter on my cock...
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