If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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