if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
