Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
