I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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