You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
