well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize