you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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