If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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