wake up i wanna do it froggy style
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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