all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My underwear smells like fireworks.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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