Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
