Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
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