Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
