i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
