Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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