I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
