Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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