I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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