Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
