I can text with my tongue
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
