I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
