I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
