Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize