he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
do nipples grow back?
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