It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
