Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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