i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
