So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
im about as happy as oj after his trial
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
