Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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