Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
