We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
